Lost
by bipping
Summary: BeLiech oneshot. After losing her brother, Natalia finds herself beginning to care for one of her students, the younger sister of a victim of the same accident, and her mesmerising green eyes.


**Author's Note: **

So this is my first attempt at writing yuri, but it's something I've wanted to do for a while, because I don't feel that people write it that often for Hetalia.

Also, I watch "Upstairs Downstairs", and the lesbian stuff on that was beautiful and adorable, and made me really want to try and write something for a yuri pairing.

I chose Belarus/Liechtenstein to experiment with, because they both kinda creep me out and are obsessed with their brothers and stuff. However, they might act a little OOC, in which case, I apologise.

So, I feel like there are some very serious issues in this. Character death, suicidal thoughts, alcohol abuse, stuff that is probably illegal, like randomly moving in with your teacher, implied parental abuse, and yuri. I dunno if you could shove paedophilia into this warning list too.

There's also a tiny bit of swearing.

Sorry if any of this offends anyone. Also, it might be sad. I've been told the stuff I write is sad, but I've never really cried at any of it. So heads up, it might make you cry.

I don't own Hetalia. Just throwing that out there. You know, in case you thought I did. But I don't. So yeah.

* * *

><p>Natalia had no idea how long the girl had been there before she noticed her.<p>

Long blonde hair worn in two neat plaits, tied off at the ends with green ribbon. Immaculate uniform; blouse buttoned to the top, tie at the regulation length of seven stripes, checkered skirt at about knee length, jumper poking out of the pale pink messenger bag tucked away under her chair. Knee length white socks rolled down halfway between her knees and her ankles. Black Velcro shoes on dainty little feet that never quite touched the ground. Large green eyes staring at the floor, as if seeking to be consoled by it. Slender shoulders shivering and shaking with silent sobs. Pale lips moving in a constant, quiet repetition of one word. "Bitte... Bitte..."

For once in her life, Natalia's pretty much non-existent heart stirred, and she almost felt some sort of empathy for the girl.

She almost wanted to comfort her.

Almost.

Instead, she fixed her cold grey glare on her and asked, "Why aren't you in school?"

The girl's head snapped upwards. It appeared she hadn't been aware that she wasn't alone in the sterile white corridor.

Natalia smirked with the victory of being the first to notice the presence of the other female.

At least, she would've smirked, had she a single emotion other than hatred.

Her face stayed a neutral mask.

The girl looked at her worriedly. "P-Pardon me," she began shakily, in a high, delicate voice, "but I didn't quite catch your question."

Natalia would have rolled her eyes, but rolling eyes took being annoyed, and being annoyed meant one had to have emotions, and we've established that Natalia does not have emotions, so her face remained an expressionless mask. "I asked why you weren't in school."

"Oh," the girl looked down again. "I was- I was taken out-"

"By whom?"

Those green eyes came to look at her, a slight trace of confusion lurking in their emerald depth. "By my head of year... He drove me here, actually."

Natalia felt her glare intensify, even if it wasn't noticeable to her prey- victim- to the younger girl present. "And what year would you be in?"

The small trace of confusion grew. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand the relevan-"

"I happen to teach at your school," Natalia stated proudly.

At least, she would have, but pride meant having emotions, and- well, you know the rest.

The girl cocked her head slightly. "You do?"

She received a grunt and a nod in conformation.

"Forgive me for asking, but what do you teach? I don't believe I've-"

"Technology. Design and Technology."

The girl began to smile slightly. "That's why I don't recognise you then, Miss. I was never allowed to take part in Technology."

A slender eyebrow was raised by the Belarusian. "Why?"

"My brother-" the girl began, but trailed off. Her gaze became focused on something Natalia wasn't aware was there.

The girl shook her head slightly. "I dropped Technology as soon as I could," she explained. Bowing her head, she said, "Meaning no disrespect, Miss, but I always preferred Textiles Technology to Design and Electronics."

Natalia was almost impressed by the level of respect this girl awarded her with.

Almost.

"You still haven't explained why you're not in school."

She looked away, and began to smooth the pleats in her skirt.

"We're in a hospital, Miss, is the reason not obvious?"

Natalia opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the girl, who had brought her gaze up to meet Natalia's once more, green eyes wide with something similar to horror, started frantically babbling something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, that was rude of me. I didn't mean to be so impertinent. Please forgive my rudeness and except my humble apologies."

Natalia blinked, then repeated, "Why aren't you in school?"

The girl sighed. "My- my brother had an accident on his way to work this morning. His engine died, and the car behind him..."

She trailed off, but, whether this was because she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, or because she'd caught sight of the Belarusian's darkening expression, Natalia would never be certain.

"Your brother," she spat, her fists clenched and turning white with the pressure she was applying to them, eyes narrowed, "is the bastard who has threatened the life of my brother."

The girl's already enlarged eyes went wide with shock.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered gently.

Natalia could feel herself shaking with rage.

"You know, I could take your life in order to avenge the honour of my family; an honour which your family has disrespected."

The girl opened her mouth, most likely to apologise.

"But those days are long since gone," Natalia continued.

Although it wasn't said, both women added the "unfortunately" they knew belonged at the end of that sentence.

The girl blinked a few times.

It took Natalia a while to realise it, but she was crying.

The girl was crying.

It was such a foreign yet familiar concept to the Belarusian that she just stared.

She watched the droplets of water trickle down the girl's face, and land with a silent splash on her skirt, darkening the fabric slightly.

She fiddled with her hemline, staring intently at the intercrossing lines on her skirt, before saying, in a thicker voice that suggested her nose was slightly blocked, "You must forgive me for this. It's not particularly ladylike, nor is it dignified in the slightest." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then turned to stare at Natalia, smiling slightly. "My brother always says that crying is a sign of weakness. Does yours ever say things like that to you?"

No one had ever really smiled at Natalia before, aside from perhaps Toris, who had had some insane childlike crush on her since they had first met at university (but obviously nothing had ever happened between the two, nor would it ever happen, because relationships need love, and to love you need a heart and- I'll stop there) and her brother, and her sister.

"He used to," she said, her face and voice blank. "But he stopped saying things like that. And then he stopped loving me."

The girl began to frown. "Don't say things like that. I'm sure your brother loves you very much."

Natalia drowned out the last half of her statement with laughter.

"If he loves me so much, explain why it's our older sister in there with him now, holding his hand, whilst I'm being denied access."

The girl cocked her head. "He's not letting you in?"

She nodded, still smiling cruelly.

"The doctors won't let me in to see my brother... They say his condition is... He's just not allowed visitors yet."

Natalia "hrmm"-ed, her mask falling back into place.

"What's your name?" the girl asked, looking up at her with those large, innocent eyes.

"Why?"

"Because it's rude not to ask the name of one's company," she went on to explain, smiling.

This time, Natalia actually managed to roll her eyes, before saying in a slightly menacing tone, "Natalia. Natalia Alfroskaya."

For what felt like the thousandth time, the girl's eyes went wide with shock.

"You're Miss Alfroskaya?" she gasped.

Natalia nodded, her brows furrowed in confusion.

The girl had heard a few things about Miss Alfroskaya from her friend Ravis, who was taught by her.

From these stories he had told her, and the rumours sweeping through the school, she had always assumed Miss Alfroskaya was a sour, bitter old hag, somewhat resembling the witches from old fairytales.

She thought that the real Miss Alfroskaya was eerily beautiful.

She had long, ash blonde hair, and an ice-like gaze. Her skin was pale, her cheeks possessing only the slightest blush, and that had only really appeared since she began to talk of her siblings.

But mainly, she was young. She couldn't be much older than Miss Hérdeváry, which surprised the girl, as she had expected, for some reason, the notorious evil that was Miss Alfroskaya would be old.

At a push, this woman was twenty-five.

She wasn't dressed much like an evil demon from hell either.

Ravis said she often wore black, and so naturally her mental image of the teacher had grown to ressemble a witch even further. The Miss Alfroskaya of her imagination wore long, black robes and the like.

The woman sat not far from her was wearing a black skirt over black tights, a white blouse with a strand of black ribbon tied around her neck like a tie, and a dark blue cardigan. In her hair rested a white ribbon, tied in a bow.

She really did look quite pretty.

At least, in the girl's eyes she did, but the girl struggled to find flaws in even the cruelest of people.

Regardless, Miss Alfroskaya had yet to live up to her reputation.

Except for the whole threatening her life thing earlier.

"Oh," the girl nodded, remembering how rude it was to stare. "I'm Lili."

Raising an eyebrow, Natalia asked, "Lili Zwingli?"

She nodded. It appeared as , just as she had heard rumours about the teacher, the teacher had heard rumours about her.

The corner of the woman's mouth flicked upwards. "That explains why you sat out of Technology then."

Lili began to blush. "So you know about the incident with my brother then?"

"I don't believe there's a Technology teacher this half of the country who hasn't heard about the incident with your brother."

Lili chuckled slightly.

However, the thought of her brother caused her stomach to tighten. She hoped beyond hope he was okay.

She couldn't help but feel partially responsible for her brother's accident.

It was like Vash had been so busy protecting her that he forgot to protect himself.

She felt her lips press together, forming a thin line, destroying her smile.

Lili looked down at the floor, and resumed silence. She kicked her legs to and fro, and gripped the side of her seat.

Natalia watched the girl curiously. She could tell from her body language that the girl was scared.

Natalia wondered if she, too, was scared of the thought of losing her brother.

She felt her stomach drop as she realised she had lost her brother years ago, and, regardless of whether he came out of the hospital or not, she would never get him back.

...

She looked at the empty classroom, her mind reeling.

Were she any other teacher, what she was contemplating doing would most likely be impossible.

But she was a Technology teacher.

Her room was full of knives.

And blades.

And saws.

And machinery that could very well kill someone of they behaved in the wrong manner around it.

She slammed down the empty glass she had rescued, along with a large supply of vodka, from her brother's now vacant classroom.

She set her sights on the saw in front of her.

Her cold gaze narrowed, and she smirked slightly.

She turned, and poured herself another shot, trying to drown out the words from that morning's assembly that still echoed in her tortured head.

_The head teacher is oddly serious for once. The merry twinkle is missing from his round eyes. He slowly climbs the stairs to the small raised platform the school likes to pretend is a stage. He looks out to the students, sat on chairs in rows of fifteen, twelve rows on his left, twelve rows on his right, and an isle in the middle_.

Natalia grimaced, and downed the shot, before quickly pouring herself another.

_"Students," he begins, "it pains me to inform you that, last night, we lost an outstanding member of staff to an accident on the motorway."_

The glass came down empty. It was quickly filled, then raised again.

_"Many of you have been taught by Mr Braginski. He was here for nearly five years, and had been rewarded the position of head of Religious Studies and Citizenship."_

Empty, refilled, raised.

_"It is unfortunate that have lost him, and at so young, too. I ask you now to hang your heads in silence, in honour of Mr Braginski. He will be missed."_

Natalia felt her smirk grow, and heard herself chuckle as she banged her once again empty glass against the table.

No one would miss her brother.

They were all glad he was gone.

They all wanted him gone.

Now, they could walk the school free of fear, free from that childlike, gleeful expression that often resulted in a student gaining a detention they didn't deserve, purely because the suffering of others amused the Social Studies teacher.

She filled the glass again, cursing the heritage that provided her with the ability to hold her alcohol.

Again, she looked at the saw.

She nodded at it, acknowledging what it would offer her.

But then, downing her shot, she decided she was stronger than that; stronger than temptation.

At least, until she managed to get herself a good deal drunker, she was stronger.

"M-Miss Alfroskaya?"

Natalia turned to the timid voice in the doorway.

At first, she thought it was a boy addressing her; a boy with a very high pitched voice and a skirt.

It wasn't impossible. Natalia had gone through university with a man named Feliks, who had worn skirts and had hair about the same length, if not longer, than that of the student in the doorway.

But then she recognised those large, green eyes, even if now their innocence was tainted, and the were red from crying.

Her grip on the glass tightened.

She had no idea whether it was from anger, or from the fact that she had once again come into contact with those mesmerising eyes that had held her mind hostage the night before.

"I- I'm sorry to interrupt, and I understand that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but-"

"Your hair was longer," Natalia observed.

Lili blinked. "Excuse me, Miss?"

"You cut your hair," she said, this time emphasising her point with a vague gesture towards the girl's head.

"Yes," she nodded, grabbing a strand of her hair and twisting it around a finger, "more like my brother's..."

"You look like a boy," the Belarusian stated.

Lili nodded. "I put a ribbon in it..."

Natalia grunted. "Why are you here, Miss Zwingli?"

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I was told to go speak to the people at Student Welfare... Because of my brother, and everything... But- but I figured the only one who knew what I was going through right now was you..."

Again, Natalia grunted.

"Please, Miss Alfroskaya... I know you must hate me right now, for what my brother caused, but-"

"In case you aren't aware from the rumours going around this shithole we call a school," snarled Natalia, "I'm not the best person to talk to if you're seeking guidance or wisdom or fucking compassion!"

Lili seemed to wince at the swearing.

"Miss, have you been drinking?" she asked shyly.

"So what if I have?" Natalia snarled somewhat drunkenly. "My brother has died! I'm entitled to it!"

The shorter blonde shook her head. "Alcohol won't change the fact he's dead..."

"Who told you that? Your mummy?" she jeered in response.

Lili froze."No... I never knew my mother."

Natalia smirked slightly, then filled her glass, and raised it in what was almost a toast. "That makes two of us."

Lili looked up at her curiously. "What about your father?"

The glass was drained, then slammed down again. "I knew that bastard, unfortunately. I knew him only too well."

Though her expression remained the same, there was something different about her aura. It made Lili shudder slightly.

She looked down, terrified of that grey gaze. "My father died when I was very little..."

Natalia scoffed. "Mine was lucky he died when he did, otherwise it might have been at my hand as opposed to cancer's."

The younger woman shook her head. "You don't mean that Miss-"

Harsh laughter tore her sentence to shreds. "You didn't know the bastard. He was sick, twisted, perverted." She scoffed. "He'd have to be, to have spawned myself and Ivan."

Clear liquid burned it's path down her throat, but instead of killing her memories, it just began to bring them back.

She placed the glass down, realising something.

The maternal instincts she was sure had been ripped from her along with her heart during her harsh childhood resurfaced suddenly.

"Who's looking after you?" she asked the child.

Lili looked at her shoes. "N-No one... They're all dead."

Those slender eyebrows rose. "You're too young to look after yourself, surely-"

"I'm nearly sixteen, Ma'am," her small, delicate hands played with the strap slung across her dainty shoulders.

Shaking her head, Natalia said, "You won't be sixteen for what, another year?"

Lili gulped. "Next July..."

"So you're only fourteen?"

"Well, yes, but I'm in Year Ten and-"

"You are only fourteen, da?" Natalia's tone became forceful.

Lili felt as though she had shrunk as she choked out a meek, "Ja..."

Natalia nodded. "You are too young to live on your own."

Lili looked down, and folded her arms. "I'll be fine..."

"No. You won't."

The girl gulped. "What am I meant to-"

"You will stay with me."

Those large green eyes that Natalia had struggled to stop thinking about last night came to meet the grey, emotionless ones that so many shied away from, that so many tried to avoid. "I'm sorry?"

"You will stay with me."

"Is that- Is that allowed?"

Natalia shrugged. "Probably not. But you said it yourself; no one else knows what you're going through."

Lili nodded slightly. "Are you sure you wouldn't mind?"

"Do you think I would have offered otherwise?" Again, her eyebrows were raised.

Lili bobbed her head in gratitude. "Thank you Miss. It wouldn't be for very long; just until some relatives from Germany sort out the immigration papers, and school transfer sheets and such-"

"You will stay with me for as long you have to, Lili."

The girl looked slightly shocked by the teacher's use of her name.

"Th- Thank you, Miss Alfroskaya," she said, bobbing her head again, before turning on her heel and fleeing the classroom.

Natalia blamed the vodka for the sudden offer she had extended to the girl, but, as she watched her go, she couldn't help but feel that she had finally found someone who wasn't afraid of her.

...

As it happened, Lili's German relatives took a considerably long time to get in contact with the girl, and when they finally did, it was quite clear to Natalia that they didn't care for her.

Natalia often wondered if she cared for the small, fragile blonde.

Frankly, it amazed her that she could care for another being, let alone one as fragile as Lili Zwingli.

The girl almost needed constant companionship. She was always begging Natalia to spend time with her, to go out with her, on walks or actually out somewhere nice, to a marketplace. She made Natalia things; just small things, like gloves.

There was one time Natalia walked in on her knitting a scarf.

_"It's so cold..."_

_"'Talia, don't cry. It'll get warmer, da?"_

_The boy smiles as the seven-year-old wipes away a few stray tears. "Da," she says, trying to mirror his smile. _

_Ivan shakes his head sadly. "Next year, I promise, the heating bills will be paid, and we will be warm." _

_He tucks a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear, and his smile grows. _

_"Sestra is so pretty," he whispers. _

_His attention causes her to blush, and a bashful smile works it's way across her face. _

_His purple eyes flick down to her rosy cheeks. "But sestra is even prettier when she smiles." _

_The door opens. _

_Both children look up in fear. The eleven-year-old moves protectively in front of the infant shuddering with both terror and cold. _

_In the door, however, is not the man they both are loathe to see again, but their older sister, who, at sixteen, has been acting like a mother to the both of them for nearly eight years. There is snow resting in her hair, the same ash blonde the others share, and she removes her thin coat and pink scarf whilst smiling at the two. _

_She is only too aware of the horror they have to endure. _

_She sees that her younger sister is shaking violently. She extends her arms to her,and holds her whilst the girl tries not to cry. _

_Ivan watches, glad that his sister is finally receiving love, but can't help but call out, "Crying is a sign of weakness, 'Talia."_

_"Yes," Yekaterina holds the now-weeping girl at arms length. "You must never let him see you cry. Because then he will think he's won." _

_Natalia wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, and nods, taking this advice to heart. _

_From that moment onwards, she buries her emotions deep within herself; so deep she isn't even aware she still has any. _

_And then Yekaterina beckons Ivan forwards, and tells him how proud she is of him, and swaddles him in her scarf, and Natalia knows in that instant that she has made the right choice. _

_She doesn't want a heart if it means she has to go through this pain every day. _

_The pain of being second best. _

_The pain of being unloved. _

_The pain of being forgotten. _

_Because, once kitted in her scarf, Ivan sticks to Yekaterina's side like glue. _

_And Natalia is left to fend for herself. _

_She tries to fight the war for her brother's love, but she's lost it before she even has a chance to prepare to meet her foe on the battlefield. _

_But she doesn't give up. _

"For you."

"For me?"

Lili nodded.

Natalia looked down at the scarf in her hands, and suddenly felt like all that love she had been denied of as a child was being given to her in that one blissful moment.

And suddenly, it all made sense.

She had grown to feel this way towards the girl because the girl had had her brother taken away from her, and had no older sister to turn to.

Granted, Natalia hadn't really had a sister to turn to; Yekaterina was always too busy with Ivan.

But she felt that Lili still needed this older sister, this mother figure.

She felt a lump grow in her throat as she looked down on the blonde. Eventually, she spluttered out a "thank you", before leaving quickly.

She then wrapped the scarf around her throat in the fashion Ivan used to, and smiled, her cheeks heating slightly.

There was certainly no vodka for her to blame that on.

...

The longer she spent in Natalia's company, the more Lili began to regret not being allowed to participate in Technology.

Because she now understood there was nothing she wouldn't do to spend an extra two hours in the woman's company.

It wasn't the same as it had been with her brother; there was respect, but there was also so much more.

There was devotion to the woman who had saved her, who had helped her through the hardest months of her life, who she had grown to love.

And the love was different.

She didn't realise it at first, but now she did.

Now she was older, she understood so much more.

Almost sixteen, Lili had lived with Natalia for little over a year, because her relatives had decided they weren't able care for her, and told her to file for emancipation. They had then sent over some money and whatnot, telling her to spend it wisely, and be frugal with it, and then stopped speaking to her.

Lili was glad to know that they cared she existed.

She was so grateful for everything that Natalia had done, but her love ran deeper than that.

See, Lili was starting to understand love.

Granted, this was mainly due to the fact that her two closest friends, Peter and Ravis were obviously "secretly" dating.

They often asked her if she liked anyone.

Of course, she told them she didn't.

Because she didn't like anyone.

No. Her emotions ran deeper than that.

It was love.

It was the way Natalia showed so little emotion, and the sense of joy Lili was rewarded with whenever she managed to gain a blush or a small smile.

It was those grey eyes that sent fear into the hearts of many, and yet, to Lili, merely looked the the sky on a dark, winter morning, full of promise as to what the new day would bring.

It was how she would tuck her hair, hair that was sometimes gold and sometimes silver, behind her ears when she concentrated, then get annoyed with it being there, and flick it from behind her ears, scowling.

And of course, the way her clothes hugged her body in all the right places might have had a little something to do with it.

Lili often wondered if it was wrong; the age difference, the same sex, the fact that they lived together...

But she didn't care.

...

One winter morning, Lili, now sixteen, and coming to terms with the independence that came with that age, pulled back her curtains, and was met with a dawn that looked exactly like Natalia's eyes.

This gave her strength, hope, and filled her with some sense of optimism.

She took it as a sign.

Today, she would tell the Belarusian the way she felt, and she would face the consequences.

...

Natalia poured the steaming liquid into a small ceramic teacup.

She heard a creak in the hall, and, without turning around, called out, "Lili, I've made tea. I trust you will be wanting some, da?"

There's no response.

Natalia's brows furrowed. She put the teapot down, and turned.

Lili was stood in the doorway, arms folded, lips a thin line, and those eyes, those green eyes that Natalia still hadn't recovered from after two year of seeing them nearly every day, were staring intently at her.

"Is everything okay, Lili?" she asked, feeling the unusual sense of worry tug at her stomach.

The blonde took a very noticeable breath in, before closing her eyes, and blurting out, in her delicate, feminine voice that was so different to Natalia's low, masculine accent, "Natalia, do you love me?"

Natalia blinked.

Lili watched her out of one eye, almost shaking with anticipation.

"I- I don't understand," the Belarusian admitted.

Lili took a step forward. "It's very simple really, Miss. Do you love me?"

Natalia was only too aware of the answer. "Lili-"

But, before she knew it, she was held captive to those gleaming eyes, and how could she resist?

She didn't answer the question, but she felt her lips very suddenly press against the younger girl's, and felt her arms lace around her back, pulling her closer.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she was aware that it was her who started this.

However, she didn't care; what was important was the fact they both very clearly wanted it.

She raked her tongue across those pale, delicate lips, and almost instantly they parted for her.

She forced her tongue into the other girl's mouth, feeling Lili's tongue slide gracefully into her own.

Lili's hands flew to Natalia's face, one either side, holding her.

With one hand, she grabbed a strand of that soft hair she loved so much, and gently twirled in between two or her fingers.

When the two finally parted, they stood, red faced, panting slightly, both clearly desperate to join like that again.

But they didn't.

They just stood.

Natalia took Lili's hand, and caressed it lightly, her lips curled upward on one side, in the closest she ever got to a smile.

She ran her other hand through Lili's hair. It was short, still cut to resemble her brother.

Lili gulped.

Natalia was held in those green eyes. Everything she was was held in those green eyes, suspended in time. Lili blinked, but that didn't end the spell that she had over Natalia.

Those green eyes sparkled, gleaming in the artificial light.

They were so large, and so wide, and so beautiful.

And Natalia was lost in them.

She was lost, and didn't plan on ever finding her way back.

* * *

><p><strong>Extended an: **

Okay, so this was a first attempt and everything, and I understand yuri isn't for everyone, but I wanted to experiment, and so, yeah, we get this.

If you do decide to review, please don't flame too much. I really did try my best. I'd appreciate constructive criticism, though, if you dudes want to offer any.

I really don't know what else to say.

Thanks for reading and everything.

While I was writing this, I had a couple of lines from the play we're studying in Drama stuck in my head. For example "eyes that gleam a green gleam, a green glimmering green," and something about "and how can he resist a big black beast with a demon in her eyes" and that kind of rubbed off on this story.


End file.
